Week 37 - Bram

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Meeting Bram

Shortly afterwards I realized suddenly that Erik was not here, so I asked if I could see him and the baby. Of course someone went to fetch them. I had to to wait a little bit because they were still checking out Bram, eventually Erik went to get Bram. I saw Erik approaching with a restless bundle in his arms: Bram. 6 pm - When that bundle was put in my arms, it immediately relaxed. It felt so normal right away, a very powerful feeling that is impossible to describe. I have heard other moms tell me that they couldn't imagine that they were holding their own child, but I can't relate to that. I never doubted and immediately felt a very strong bond with this little guy and a protective feeling that was so stronog it was almost scary. It was a very special feeling to watch our baby together with Erik.

Some data: Bram was born on June 3rd, 2001, at 4:11 pm. He was 50.5 cm (20") tall and weighed a generous 2900 grams (6 lbs 7 oz). Not bad at all for child his age (three weeks early).

Down

That same moment Erik mentioned he had something he needed to tell me. Nurses had told him it probably wasn't a good idea to tell it right away, but het knew that this was the best for me. We had to be prepared that Bram (totally unexpected for us) would be diagnosed with Down syndrome: a genetical disorder where every cell has 47 chromosomes instead of the normal 46. Something that can have all sorts of consequences. At that moment it wasn't a 100% certain yet and a blood sample was taken for genetic testing, but docters and nurses told us they rarely misdiagnose. From that moment on we therefore almost regarded it as a fact.

This was a big disappointment of course. Everybody hopes for a completely healty and normal child, but fortuntately it didn't dampen much our joy for this little fellow. Of course I wondered if the operation alone hadn't been enough, but it probably was fatigue. It is a strange double feeling: on the one hand you're happy with a beautiful baby, and on the other hand you immediately have to say goodbye to the ideal of a perfect and healthy baby. And that is hard...

By the way, later on in this story you can read what Down syndrome is, in case you might wonder.

To the NICU

Bram was then taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (or NICU), since his blood glucose level was too low, probably because I had gone into the delivery room in such a bad condition. He was going to be observed for a little while, just in case. For me that was terrible, however I myself was being readied for a stay in the intensive care unit. They also wanted to keep a close watch on me after all that had happened. My liver was still in a bad condition, although it seemed clear that that the birth of Bram had also started the haling process. Critical functions started to get back to normal when they cut the umbilical cord. Fortunately..

Continued: the stay in the hospital